Talking to your child about online safety

Parental controls, privacy settings and app blocking give you leverage — but children who understand why something is unsafe are better protected than children who are simply restricted. A child who understands the reason also acts better when you’re not around.

This is not a one-time conversation. It’s an ongoing habit.

Who this guide is for

For parents and carers of children and teenagers. The content is organised by age group so you can use the sections that are relevant right now.

What you gain: a child who is more likely to speak up when something goes wrong, and who better understands why certain online choices matter.

What it costs: no setup, no technical knowledge. Just time and repetition — short conversations at the right moments are more effective than one long talk.

When this becomes overkill: if every conversation turns into surveillance, interrogation, or panic, children learn to hide things instead of discussing them. The goal is trust plus structure, not total control.

The technical side — settings, apps, DNS blocking — is covered in the linked guides under See also.

---

Principles for every conversation

Ask open questions, not yes/no questions “What do you actually use on Discord?” works better than “Do you use Discord?” Children who are invited to share, share more.

Don’t react with shock If your child shares something that worries you, your first reaction determines whether they’ll tell you next time. Listen first, ask follow-up questions, then respond.

Be honest about your own usage Children who see parents setting rules for themselves too (phone away at dinner, no screen in the bedroom) take those rules more seriously.

Repeat One conversation is not protection. Short, regular conversations — tied to something in the news or something they’ve experienced — are more effective than one big “talk”.

---

Ages 6–9: digital foundations

At this age children are learning what the internet is and can grasp the basic rule: what goes online can always be seen.

Talking points:

• “What do you do if someone online asks you something that feels weird?” — teach them that stopping and telling is always okay
• “What is a password and why don’t you share it?” — make it a game
• “What are your favourite apps?” — get to know the apps they’re using

Concrete agreements:

• No installing apps without permission
• No sharing photos of others without asking
• If something feels wrong: tell an adult straight away

---

Ages 10–12: social pressure and platforms

At this stage social media and platforms like TikTok, YouTube and Roblox start playing a role. The social pressure to participate is high.

Talking points:

• Explain what an algorithm does: “Have you noticed that you keep seeing more of the same thing?”
• Go through privacy settings together — explain why default settings are open
• Explain what grooming is at a matter-of-fact level: “Sometimes people online pretend to be your friend to get something from you. If someone asks you to keep something secret from us, that’s exactly when you should tell me.”
• Screenshots: “Anything you put in a group chat can always be forwarded.”

Concrete agreements:

• Set social media accounts to private (do it together)
• No location in posts
• Never share personal information (school, address, phone number) with people you don’t know in person

---

Ages 13–15: autonomy and risks

Teenagers want privacy — rightly so. The approach shifts from control to trust and personal responsibility.

Talking points:

• “What do you do to secure your accounts?” — involve them in setting up 2FA
• Discuss what can go wrong with an account takeover: “If someone takes over your Instagram, what could they do?”
• Sextortion: how it works and that they can always report it without judgement
• The difference between Signal and WhatsApp at a practical level — not as a lecture, but as a conversation

Concrete agreements:

• Install a password manager together
• 2FA on email and social media
• Agreement: if something goes wrong — online blackmail, inappropriate contact — they always tell you, with no consequences for their privileges

---

Ages 16+: independence

Older teenagers have their own digital life. Your role shifts to that of trusted person and resource.

Talking points:

• “Do you use the same password everywhere?” — on equal footing, not as control
• Discuss what happens if accounts or data become public — for the job market, relationships, future
• Identity fraud: how it works and how to recognise it
• How to handle data companies hold about them — opt-outs, data access rights

Your agreement: They handle things largely themselves. You’re available when something goes wrong — without “I told you so”.

---

If something goes wrong

If your child has had inappropriate contact, received something that shouldn’t exist, or experienced online bullying or blackmail:

1. Listen without immediately judging — your first reaction determines whether the child tells you next time
2. Take screenshots — evidence in case you want to make a report
3. Block and report — on the platform itself
4. Get help if needed:

• Helpwanted.nl — for young people themselves, anonymous
• Local police — for criminal matters
• Victim support organisations — also for online incidents

---

Next step

Profiles

• Profile: family and children — which wider technical measures and follow-up actions fit your family

Go further

• TikTok privacy settings — locking down the account
• Discord safety for young people — DM blocking and server risks
• WhatsApp privacy explained — what WhatsApp does and doesn’t protect

Reviews

• Signal and Molly review — safer alternative for messaging