Threat Profile: Stalking or Domestic Abuse
When the threat comes from close by — an ex-partner, family member, or someone you know — the threat model is fundamentally different. The adversary may already have access to your devices. Here's how to respond.
Threat Profile: Stalking or Domestic Abuse
Safe reading: If you suspect your device or home network is being monitored, read this on a device the other person doesn’t know about — a library computer, a trusted friend’s phone, or an incognito window on a device only you use. Incognito hides your local browser history but not from your internet provider. Use Tor Browser for maximum anonymity.
Need help? In the Netherlands: Veilig Thuis: 0800-2000 (free, 24/7, anonymous). Police (non-emergency): 0900-8844. In other countries, search for your national domestic violence hotline.
This profile is fundamentally different from all others. The threat doesn’t come from an unknown government or anonymous hacker — it comes from someone you know, who may already have access to your devices, accounts, and physical environment.
That changes everything.
With other threat profiles, you start with technical measures immediately. Here, you start with a plan. Unexpectedly changing passwords or deleting apps can escalate the situation. Safety comes before technical steps.
Step 1: Understand the threat model
Your adversary is fundamentally different from those in other profiles:
- Physical access — they know your devices, may know your passwords
- Existing access — shared accounts, known PIN codes, spyware already installed
- Social network — they know your friends, family, colleagues — and can gather information through them
- Motivation — control, not data. They want to know where you are, who you talk to, what you’re planning
Signs your device may be monitored:
- Battery drains quickly without clear reason
- Phone is warm when you’re not using it
- Data usage is higher than expected
- The other person knows things you only discussed or searched privately
- Apps you don’t recognize are installed
Step 2: Plan before you act
Don’t take measures that could alert the other person until you’re ready to act completely.
Do this first, on a safe device:
- Contact a domestic abuse helpline for personal safety advice — they help you build a safety plan
- Make a list of which accounts are shared or known to the other person
- Note which devices they’ve had access to
- Plan when and from where you’ll take the technical step — this is the moment control ends, and it can trigger a reaction
Step 3: Technical measures — in order
Do this at a time and location that’s safe. Not from your shared home network if you want to avoid detection.
Email first Email is the key to all other accounts. Create a new address on a device the other person doesn’t know about (Proton Mail or regular Gmail — a clean start is the goal here).
Passwords
- Change passwords in order: email → bank → social media → everything else
- Use a password manager on a new device (Bitwarden or KeePassXC)
- Use a different password everywhere — one found password can otherwise be tried on everything
Two-factor authentication
- Enable 2FA on all accounts — start with email and bank
- Use an authenticator app (Aegis), not SMS — if the other person knows your SIM or can redirect your number, SMS 2FA is vulnerable
Disable location sharing
- Google Maps: Settings → Location sharing → check who sees your location
- Apple: Settings → Privacy → Location Services + Find My
- WhatsApp: remove any active location shares
- Check your car for GPS trackers and AirTags (detection is built into Android and iOS)
End active sessions
- Google: myaccount.google.com → Security → Your devices
- Facebook/Instagram: Settings → Security → Where you’re logged in
- WhatsApp: Settings → Linked devices
Devices
- If you suspect spyware is installed: a factory reset is the most reliable solution
- GrapheneOS on a Pixel gives you a device you fully control — or use an iPhone with maximum privacy settings as an alternative: iPhone privacy settings
- If a factory reset isn’t immediately possible: use a different device for sensitive communication
Communication
- Signal for contact with people you trust — enable disappearing messages
- New phone number if the other person has your current number — this also breaks WhatsApp tracking
- Use new communication channels only on devices and networks the other person doesn’t know
Physical safety
Technical measures protect you digitally, but location information can leak in other ways too:
- Tell trusted people where you are — but not through channels the other person can see
- Check your belongings and clothing for trackers (AirTags are small and can be placed anywhere)
- Turn off location access for your camera app — photos can contain location data
Help and resources
| Organisation | What | Contact |
|---|---|---|
| Veilig Thuis (NL) | Advice, safety plan, referral | 0800-2000 (free, 24/7) |
| Police (NL) | Report stalking or threats | 0900-8844 (non-emergency) / 112 |
| Safety Net (international) | Tech safety resources for abuse survivors | techsafety.org |
| National DV Hotline (US) | 24/7 crisis support | 1-800-799-7233 |
See also:
- iPhone privacy settings — for iPhone users
- Android privacy without a custom ROM — for Android users without GrapheneOS
- Threat Profile: Journalist or Activist — similar tools for similar situations
- GrapheneOS Hardening Guide — setting up a new device
- Signal and Molly Review — secure messaging
- Bitwarden Review — password management on a new device